We all have things that we cling to. Some things are no longer helpful to us, but we still hold on to them. Like old habits or acquaintances that we feel pressured to call every other week although we don’t have anything to say to them. Sometimes it's even the stuff that piles up on our desk or in the storage space. Many people told me that they desperately try to let go of certain things. I try to let go of my past relationship. I try to let go of my habit of judging myself. I want to stop smoking and drinking and working too hard. But it just doesn’t work. I'm still holding on to it.

The most common approach to letting go is trying to do it by force. How many people do you know that quit smoking? And how often do they quit? Once a year, or every other week they get this intense feeling of shame and they try to convince themselves: This time I will beat this habit. This time I will be strong. This time, I will really quit. But forcing yourself never really works.

Have you ever really looked at someone who forcefully lost a lot of weight? Did you notice how hungry and empty they looked? Surely they dazzled you with looking different and wearing new clothes but have you ever looked beyond what they wanted you to see? After pushing the extra weight away from the body - where does the weight go? It just accumulates outside of the body and sits there. And this unhappy energy that got kicked out of the house - guess what this energy is waiting for? To get back in. So as soon as you are done fighting and running away from yourself, all the energy that you don’t like will come in again. Fighting doesn’t work.

The more interesting approach for me is to start observing. What am I really holding on to? Is it really the cigarette smoke that I'm holding on to - or is it the feeling of something safe, something trustworthy and familiar that is always there for me? A lady once told me about her stressful life. She worked hard all the time. Except for these 3 cigarette breaks every day where she sneaks out in the garden and sits down to relax. She came to me to give up smoking. And I had to tell her: This is the only form of love, of calming down, taking time for yourself that you are accepting right now. And you want me to take this tiny bit of love away from you? Sorry, I can't do that. But I can help you to understand what smoking really gives you right now. Of course she wasn’t very thrilled with me at first, because she really hated her smoking.

Of course I don’t stay with observing forever. After a while of not fighting my habits, not judging, not running away from them something happens. I get the chance to reconnect with what I really need. You see, beyond every habit, everything you cling to, there is something truthful and honest, that you simply need. And because this need has never been acknowledged and taken care of, we desperately cling to all kinds of things. Like a child needing love. And the less love we get, the more we cling to the nice toys our parents buy. And someday we have a house full of toys and don’t know why we can't let them go. It's not the toys we need. But it’s the love that we never got that we cling to. And pushing that need even further away won't solve the problem. This need has been pushed away for a long time.

The final key to letting go is to start receiving. When you start receiving love from your soul you set yourself free. When you start receiving all these tiny little things you truly need, something can heal. Just because we didn’t have a loving childhood doesn’t mean we can't receive this particular kind of love today. We don’t even have to go out and look for new parents. You already have this beautiful parent within you. Did you know that you are the child of your soul? And she really and truly loves you.

I never got a dog when I was a little girl. My parents decided that I couldn’t handle the responsibility. But now, years later, I finally got my dog. My soul doesn’t think that I'm not ready. It took me a while to receive the beauty and joy of actually owning a dog. For a while when I walked him it felt like walking someone else's dog. I was very shy and scared of making any mistakes - because part of me still believes that I can't handle this. But slowly I'm starting to receive. I'm receiving a silly childhood dream. And when I wake up in the morning and see him, many little girls inside me are jumping up and down with joy.

The moment of receiving is a turning point. Receiving more time for yourself, more stillness, more abundance, more love, more gentleness will set you free. The part of you that has been clinging to something out there finally gets to receive something real. Don’t believe that you can't have this love, this space, this experience, this loving relationship - you can. You just won't find it out there. You will have to find it in yourself first. Your soul is more than happy to help you receiving it. And while you are busy receiving, guess what happens naturally? You let go of old energies that no longer serve you. It's like setting aside the crutches after your leg is healed. You don’t need them anymore. You set yourself free. It takes more time and patience. And maybe you have to start connecting with your soul. But it’s the only way to let go and receive something new at the same time.